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【雅思培训】雅思写作雅思Task2陷阱!


烤鸭们,你的雅思写作是不是还停留在5或5.5?你是不是刷了好几场考试但写作分数依然稳如泰山?还是写作分数像过山车时升时降让你摸不着头脑?如果你也有这样的困惑,那就可能跳进了雅思考官设置的陷阱里啦!鸭宝宝们不要哭,先听听郑州朗阁雅思资深写作教师怎么说。

 

郑州朗阁雅思培训中心的专家认为:雅思大作文的题目多数是经过设计的,所以先弄清楚考官“要什么”是第一步。先来看刚过去的光棍节(171111)的考题(和马云爸爸的双11神同步有木有?!):

Online shopping is replacing shopping in stores. Is it a positive or negative development?

 

雅思写作考试的小伙伴们看到这道题目会贼高兴,“如此贴近生活啊”,“网络话题很常见啊”,“这道题目不难写啊”,放松了警惕性。我们看下这个考生对这道题的回应:

 

Body 1 :

Shopping online becomes more convenient compared with conventional shopping  means . To begin with, it takes people less time to consume in an easier way. Generally most people were used to buying things by window shopping , which would cost people at least one or two even more hours ;however, by clicking the mouse or utilize smart phones people are able to complete shopping procedures, taking at most ten or fifteen minutes. Besides, shopping by network is more likely to save money for consumers. As physical shops are not needed in cyber space, sellers could save some cost of the goods . In other words, the commodities online usually sell cheaper than those in stores, which is the main reason why people prefer to consume online.

 

这段话分别从网购节约时间和省钱这两个分论点展开,来论证网购的一个优点(方便,topic sentence 中表达了“become more convenient compared with conventional means),并且能够和传统的购物方式(conventional shopping )做对比(提出“节约时间”时用了less time, 提出“省钱”时用了more likely to save money)。但是,忽略了题目问题中的很关键的信息positive or  negative development。也就是说,上段文字的确具体地论述了网购的方便,但却没有对时间轴的后期(不是现在,也不是网购此时的好处)做出论证。并且, topic sentence的建立也没有直接回应题目问题中的positive or negative, 导致TR(task response)回应不完全,与6分失之交臂。

 

郑州朗阁雅思写作教师对以上段落改写了一下,大家感受下区别吧:(仅供参考)

Certainly online shopping ,as a prevailing shopping means, is a positive development not only for consumers as well as manufacturers. For consumers, it is its convenience that allows people to change their purchasing customs .Due to its time saving, people could buy their favorite commodities without going out. For manufacturers , they would be more inclined to sell products in cyber space as their market could be open in a wider way. What is more realistic is that the price of goods could be lower because of no need of physical stores and rent. For these reasons, shopping online is not simplistically a fashionable means, but a win-win purchasing way as well, which would have a promising prospect.

 

总结: 一定要看清楚题目的提问方式。如果题目问题中有“positive or negative development” 或含有trend或impact之类的词汇, 不仅仅要回应正面或反面,要在内容上对时间轴的后期(偏未来)回应。在措辞方面,建议用be (more) likely to do, tend to ,be prone to ,would ,could等表示有发生的可能性(possibility)之类的表达,不建议用will, must等语气太强烈的措辞,因为trend,development之类的内容只能推测发生,但不绝对或不一定会发生。

 

我们再看一道题:

Some people think that a sense of competition in children should be encouraged. Others believe that children who are taught to co-operate rather than compete become more useful adults.

Discuss both views and give your own opinion.  (剑5 Test3)

 

看下考官列的考生sample:(Band 6)

 

Body 1 (摘自C5T3 P167)

To begin with, what is good if a sense of competition in children is made? They could develop themselves more and more as they learn and study a lot to win from the competition. To prove this , in Korea, it is popular-even common now- to have a tutor who come to students’ house to teach extra pieces of study with paying a lot of money. They learn faster than what they learn at school. Furthermore, during the vacations, students study abroad to learn English for a month instead of revise school work . If they have experiments such as study abroad, it is one of the greatest plus point to go to the famous well-known high school. Moreover, there are four big school exam and two national examinations to test students’ level of studies. Generally, only the highest 40% can go to the good quality highs schools and colleges . Children learn as much as they can, to win the competition to obtain good quality schools.

 

考官在书中给他的评价是“对于竞争方面的论述比合作方面要多,且支持性的一些例子overdevelop了使读者divert from the argument ,由于所表述要点是与题目关联的(没跑题),作者的观点大致清楚,故给了6.

 

其实这道题目看起来也不难,但很多同学会忽略题目内容上一个非常重点的表达:“become more useful adults”。也就是说,这道题是有关children的,但竞争或合作的目的是“成为更有用的成年人”!我们在去展开分论点的时候,不管你的态度立场是偏向哪边,但一定是为了become more useful adults, 是不是变相的表达时间轴的后期,和development,trend,impact类似??!!

 

以下是郑州朗阁雅思资深写作教师把这6分段重新改写的,供大家参考:

To begin with,children could develop themselves considerably as they learn and study to win from the competition. Taking Korea as an example, it is popular for students there to have a tutor ,and learn additional knowledge at home ,aiming at maintaining ahead of other peers. Furthermore,to attend noted high schools and colleges ,as one of the most significant elements of being contributors of the nation,  cannot be without competition. Therefore, that is the reason why some students go abroad during the course of vacation in order that they could master skillful languages and accumulate various types of capabilities ,such as adaptive abilities ,to raise their competitiveness.

 

综上所述,在雅思大作文审题过程中,需要大家擦亮眼睛,不仅仅要找出题目中的句子结构(主谓宾)和关键词(名词,形容词,动词,限定词),更要读透题目的具体提问方式,看有没有development,trend,impact之类侧重将来的表达,留心在提问方式上考官会给大家设陷阱!

 

郑州朗阁雅思写作资深写作教师祝大家早日与雅思分手!

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